The Wedding Ceremony of
John Robert Elliott and Rosalind Norma Joseph
celebrated in the garden of their home
on 7 August 1999
Opening Words
We are gathered here, not to witness the beginning of what will be,
but rather what already is! We do not create this marriage, because
we cannot. We can and do, however, celebrate with John, Norma and
their families the wondrous and joyful occurrence that has already
taken place in their lives.
So let the celebration begin!
The Celebration Of Marriage
This wedding celebrates the joy and beauty of life. We see a person as an active and inseparable unity of body and spirit. Reason is the guide, but reason is never separate from the emotions and strivings of the whole person; so that emotion and intellect functioning together provide the firmest foundation for married love.
Marriage is a supreme sharing of experience and an adventure in the most intimate of human relationships. It is the joyous uniting of a man and a woman whose comradeship and mutual understanding have flowered into romance. Today Norma and John proclaim their love to the world and we who are gathered here rejoice with them and for them in the new life they now undertake together.
Marriage is universally regarded as one of the crucial events of human life, taking its place with those other two - the coming hither in birth and the departure from life through death.
Marriage requires "love," which is a word often used with vagueness and sentimentality. We mean something very real, when we bind ourselves in love. It can mean sweet freedom and fulfillment. When we love we see things other people do not see. We see beneath the surface and observe qualities which make this one different from and dearer than all others. To see with loving eyes is to know inner beauty and to be loved is to be seen and known as we are known to no other.
Such love means security. Each of us would like to have an absolute security. This we cannot have, but we come close to it when we are loved - when another human being wants us, wants to share life with us, accepts us, without qualification or reservation, not as perfect, but as human, with strengths and weaknesses.
The love of which we speak is not static. It is a growing and dynamic relationship. We dream that tomorrow we will grow and fulfill our possibilities. It is a blessing when someone believes in our dream of ourselves and wants to live with us and help make dreams and aspirations come true.
Love of this sort can grow. It is not, like youth, a moment that comes and is gone, remaining only a memory of something which cannot be recovered. It can grow because it has something to grow upon and grow with. It does not become contracted and stale, because it has for its object all the objects with which the two lovers are concerned. Love endures only when the lovers love many things together and not merely each other.
True love breeds unlimited courage and confidence. Such courage and confidence we know are yours as you continue your lives together under the ever embracing bond of marriage. In addition to the fund of affection and thoughtful consideration which you have for one another, you will need a capacity for self-sacrifice, patience and forbearance, for this is no light adventure which you are undertaking.
The secret of love and marriage is the emergence of the larger self. It is the finding of one's life by losing it. Such is the privilege of husband and wife - to be each himself, herself and yet another; to face the world strong, with the courage of two.
The high and fine art of married life is in this mutual enrichment, mental and spiritual, this give and take between two souls, this mingling of two endowments which depletes neither, but enables each. The more each gives, the more each receives.
Marriage is dedication. You give yourself, your life and love, into the hands of the one you love. You do so trustingly and generously. By the same token, each of you receives a gift - the life and love of the other. You receive this gift not only from the one you love, but also from the parents who brought you into the world and reared you and from the personal world of friends and family who are joined in friendship and faith in your marriage.
It is a our belief that there should be equality between men and women in every relevant way and that it is especially important for this principle to be recognized in the marriage relationship. Marriage must be a cooperative venture in every sense. It is a relationship based on love, respect and a determination on the part of both wife and husband to adjust to each other's temperaments and moods - in health or sickness, joy or sadness, ease or hardship.
We are here to share your joy and hope and to speed you along the path which, henceforth, you are to tread together. May it be the path of blessedness, bright with the fragrant flowers of prosperity and spiritual peace; a path of deepening and widening love that you shall travel arm in arm throughout eternity.
Song of the Open Road *
Listen! I will be honest with you. I do not offer the old
smooth prizes, but I offer rough new prizes.
These are the days that must happen to you:
You shall not heap up what is called riches,
You shall scatter with lavish hand all that you earn or achieve.
However sweet the laid-up stores.
However convenient the dwelling,
You shall not remain there.
However sheltered the port, and however calm the waters,
You shall not anchor there.
However welcome the hospitality that welcomes you,
You are permitted to receive it but a little while.
Afoot and lighthearted, take to the open road,
Healthy, free, the world before you,
The long brown path before you leading wherever you choose.
Say only to one another:
Comerado, I give you my hand!
I give you my love more precious than money,
I give you myself before preaching or law:
Will you give me yourself?
Will you come travel with me?
Shall we stick by each other as long as we live?
The Commitment
This celebration is the outward token of a sacred and inward union of hearts, which the church and temple may bless and the state make legal, but which neither state nor church can create or annul. It is a union created by your loving purpose and kept by your abiding will. It is in this spirit and for this purpose that you have come here to be joined together.
John, will you have this woman to be thy wedded wife, to live together in marriage; will you love her, comfort her, and honor her, in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, so long as you both shall live?
JOHN: I will!
Norma, will you take this man to be thy wedded husband, to live together in marriage; will you love him, comfort him, and honor him, in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, so long as you both shall live?
NORMA: I will!
Will all you, here present, promise and commit yourselves to support and uphold this union of these two people?
CONGREGATION: We will!
The Ceremony of the Rings
Traditionally, the marking of the passage to the status of husband and wife is marked by the exchange of rings. These rings are a symbol of the unbroken circle of love. Love freely given has no beginning and no end. Love freely given has no giver and no receiver - for each is the giver and each is the receiver. May these rings remind you always of the vows you have taken here today.
JOHN: This ring, a gift for you, symbolizes my desire that you be my wife from this day forward.
NORMA: This ring, a gift for you, symbolizes my wish that you be my husband from this day forward.
Inasmuch as Norma and John have consented together in this ceremony to live in wedlock and have witnessed their vows in the presence of this company, by the giving and receiving of rings, it gives me great pleasure to now pronounce that they are husband and wife!
Treat yourselves and each other with respect, and remind yourselves often of what brought you together. Take responsibility for making the other one feel safe, and give the highest priority to the tenderness, gentleness and kindness that your connection deserves. When frustration, difficulty and fear assail your relationship, as they threaten all relationships at sometime or another, remember to focus on what is right between you, not only the part that seems wrong. In this way, you can ride out the times when clouds drift across the face of the sun in your lives, remembering that, just because you may lose sight of it for a moment, does not mean the sun has gone away. And, if each of you take total responsibility for the quality of your life together, it will be marked by abundance and delight.
Prayer for This House
By Louis Untermeyer (1885-1977), U.S. poet
May nothing evil cross this door,
And may ill fortune never pry
About these windows; may the roar
And rain go by.
By faith made strong, the rafters will
Withstand the battering of the storm.
This hearth, though all the world grow chill
Will keep you warm.
Peace shall walk softly through these rooms,
Touching our lips with holy wine,
Till every casual corner blooms
Into a shrine.
With laughter drown the raucous shout
And, though these sheltering walls are thin,
May they be strong to keep hate out
And hold love in.
The Affirmation
We know not what the future may bring into the lives of John and Norma, but we pray that together they may be equal to the needs of their tomorrows. May they find patience in time of stress, strength in time of weakness, courage in time of discouragement, vision in time of doubt, and, in all time, a growing love.
We who are here present, and those who are absent, thinking of these two people, hope that the inspiration of this hour will not be forgotten. May they continue to love one another forever.
Apache Wedding Prayer
Now you will feel no rain,
for each of you will be shelter for the other.
Now you will feel no cold,
for each of you will be warmth to the other.
Now there is no more loneliness,
for each of you will be companion to the other.
Now you are two persons,
but there is only one life before you.
Go now to your dwelling place
to enter into the days of your togetherness.
And may your days be good and long upon the earth.
Ceremony adapted from the Nontheistic Humanist Wedding Ceremony by James T. McCollum
* Poem consists of massaged excerpts from poem of the same name by Walt Whitman. Who the masseur was, I do not know.